One question I have been asked on several occasions: "As a Christian, how do I meet Mr. Right?" (Actually, no one to this day has ever used the term "Mr. Right" when asking me this.)
When we say "Mr Right" we more or less mean: an awesome person who is right for me and compatible with my values and heart attitudes and therefore marriage material." So here's the formula to meet him:
JOKES. THERE'S ACTUALLY NO FORMULA.
Did you know it's quite normal to want to be with an outstanding person? It's actually ok to have standards when it comes to the opposite sex - and if you value yourself, you'll have high ones and won't compromise at the drop of a heart-eyes emoji or a kiss on the lips! However, what I have seen occur over my short 9 years in ministry, is people (ok, girls) making checklists of what they want "Mr. Right" to look like. While this is fine, and yes it's actually a good and beneficial thing to know what we want and value in a person - it doesn't give us permission to whip out the checklist every time we meet a nice young man and make sure he/she ticks all the boxes. And if he doesn't, alas, we put the checklist back in the pocket and walk away, wondering why no one lives up to our expectations. This is a guaranteed path to disappointment.
Now, quick disclaimer - there are other elements that go into this such as GOD'S TIMING (always a good thing) and POSITIONING (are you trying to meet a man in church or the pub?) ...In fact, if you want to know more about God's timing & relationships, check out BITE WHEN IT'S RIPE ) ...
But that aside, rather than worrying about how, where and when you'll meet the incredible outstanding embodiment of your Mr. Right checklist, how about we pause for a moment, hold up a mirror and ask:
"AM I AN OUTSTANDING PERSON?"
Perhaps it's time to stop asking "How can I meet an outstanding person to marry?" And maybe it's time we ask "Am I the kind of person someone outstanding would want to marry?"
(Disclaimer: outstanding does NOT mean perfect. It means someone who loves God. Who is intentional with their relationship with God. Who knows who they are in God. Who has laid their life down for God. The end.)
Instead of declaring "The person I want to be with HAS to be a forgiving person" maybe we should ask: "am I exercising forgiveness in my life?" Or when we declare: “I really want to be with someone who is passionate and on fire for God" - hold up - maybe the question is, are YOU passionate and on fire for God? Because here's the thing:
OUTSTANDING PEOPLE ATTRACT OUTSTANDING PEOPLE.
This is not law, but it is what tends to happen whether you’re in the kingdom or not. Successful people tend to be attracted to other successful people. (The difference between the secular world and the Kingdom of God is: what defines successful?) Being successful and outstanding is a GOOD thing and a GOD thing. Check it out:
/// JOSHUA 1 : 8 ///
"KEEP THIS BOOK OF THE LAW ALWAYS ON YOUR LIPS; MEDITATE ON IT DAY AND NIGHT, SO THAT YOU MAY BE CAREFUL TO DO EVERYTHING WRITTEN IN IT. THEN YOU WILL BE PROSPEROUS AND SUCCESSFUL.”
Here is my challenge:
FOCUS ON BECOMING AN OUTSTANDING PERSON RATHER THAN ACQUIRING AN OUTSTANDING PERSON.
Become someone who is healed of your past and baggage, who is flourishing in your giftings, your destiny, your relationship with God… People who are passionately on fire for God tend to attract, and be attracted to, those who are also passionate on fire for God - it makes sense!
If you so happen to attract an outstanding person while you yourself are struggling in God, carrying emotional baggage, and are not yet healed in your heart - they may begin to resent you for holding them back or it may cause unwanted complications in your relationship. And the flip side of the coin - you want a partner who is flourishing in God WITHOUT YOUR HELP. They need to be running full-force for the kingdom WITHOUT you if you want them to run WITH you. It doesn’t matter how good looking he is, how much attention he gives you, how many compliments he pays you. If you end up with someone who isn’t pursuing God, you may resent him for holding YOU back sooner or later - and that's gonna turn into a bit of an uphill relationship climb.
I'm aware that this isn't everyone's story - I know that God takes unequally yoked people and paints a beautiful picture of Grace through the journey they walk out together. He energises people for the uphill climb and carries them up if He has to. But this blog isn't for those people. This post is for the people who's story is yet to be written.
You do know that you get a hand in writing it don't you?
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